[ she actually hadn't even thought of seeing herself and now that he mentions it, her expression does change again, her panic turning into just plain horror because she actually doesn't want to see herself but also moreso she's scared of him seeing. there's no way to admit that, though, without turning that into some self-fulfilling prophecy.
yuuki wasn't going to tell him about what was terrifying her first since it was something she figured he'd not believe, anyway. now, she'd rather have him focused on that than noticing her disposition shift at his commentary (hopefully he didn't already, hopefully he doesn't see it in one of the mirrors, either) and if he did, not think it's because she just realized there is something else to be scared of in this place, too. ]
There're things in mirrors...! Last time I... they... there was a monster that traveled through them and would kill people...
[ why does it sound so ridiculous even though it's true AND it wasn't that stupid sounding in her head? ]
[ souji hums thoughtfully, quietly considering what she had just told him. yuuki was right in assuming he probably wouldn't believe her thanks to how ridiculous it sounds. sure, having oni roam the streets of kyoto is just as ridiculous but whoever heard of a monster travelling through mirrors to kill people who peered inside?
then again, given how freaked out she is right now... maybe there is some truth to her words. ]
Then, let's hope we don't run into it here. [ he's joking, of course. ] We don't exactly have room to get away from it in here.
[ if that freaks her out, that will only serve to fill up souji's amusement. he can be pretty terrible sometimes, but that much should be a given right now.
without waiting for her to say anything, he lets go of her hand and starts moving. there's no way to tell if he's going the right away so he tries to keep his pace slow just so yuuki could keep with him. the last thing he wants is to deal with her scaring herself to death, so if keeping a close proximity would help prevent that, then he's more than willing to behave.
not that he gets very far, not when he makes the mistake of looking ahead and getting caught up with the sight he sees.
[ no. no nononononono, she doesn't like his answer at all and him joking doesn't seem click with her because as soon as he lets go of her she is practically plastered to his backside before he takes more than three steps ( he definitely won't lose her while he's wandering around, that's at least something they will never have to worry about, it seems ).
of course, it doesn't really matter, anyway, because suddenly she's not just practically plastered, she's bumped herself right into him when he stops and she instinctively reaches to clutch at the back of his clothing tightly, sucking in a small breath to keep herself from screaming in surprise at the sudden halt.
however, she's also quite well aware that okita wouldn't simply stop without reason, so it doesn't take her much time at all to force herself to peek around him to see what it is that has caught his attention so swiftly and suddenly like this. ]
[ feeling yuuki bump into him does little to snap him out of his reverie—not that it's much of one, not when all he's really doing is staring up ahead without any of intention of looking away. he knows how mirrors work, how your reflection should be an opposite standing right in front of you, but this isn't anything like that.
there's blood all over him, on the ground, on his sword.
that isn't an unfamiliar sight, not with the kind of life he leads, but what gets to him isn't the blood, but how he's moving from behind the mirrored surface. his shoulders are shaking with laughter, the kind that doesn't quite reach his eyes because what's there instead are tears that are starting to flow freely. he hangs his head, out of shame, maybe, souji can't really tell, and the next time he blinks—
his reflection is even closer, banging his fists against the mirror like he's trying to get out. ]
... That isn't a funny joke.
[ he doesn't know who he's really saying that too, fists clenching out of the anger bubbling up inside. he'd regret that he ever got forced into going here at all but when he's blindsided by his own temper, he can feel nothing but that. ]
[ she thinks she could have stomached a lot of things despite her fear. but the feeling the hollows out her stomach is the most awful when she sees that reflection of his, because it doesn't seem like him at all.
at least, it doesn't at first, but almost as quick as she finds herself feeling it's even more unfamiliar than what little she knows about him, yuuki ends up staring in horror as she realizes that his reflection is crying, that he's suffering something far more damaging than any physical distress.
...it's scary, only because she doesn't think she's really ever seen someone that sad other than herself when she's all alone and locked away where no one else will ever see. and that tells her all she really needs to guess about this, too—assuming these mirrors are showing something true, this is a part of okita no one is ever ever supposed to catch a glimpse of.
nevermind a stranger to him like her.
yuuki does hear him speak, but she's a little too distracted to reply in any manner, simply standing there with her hands over her mouth, holding tightly to try and suppress a sudden rush she feels of an absolutely need to cry herself. she doesn't know why, and she knows she can't make a sound, because he's angry, she's not supposed to see this she should definitely look away immediately, but for whatever reason it strikes her hard and fast and her silent reaction isn't even one she can control despite wishing she could (logically, it makes no sense, she shouldn't be this upset so suddenly over someone else's reflection when she doesn't know them that well, but somehow it seems more personal to her than anything anyone else's should ever be to another).
somewhere in the back of her mind, she realizes that her own reflection is not so forgiving, either, but she can't pull her attention to face that, too.
[ he remembers, long ago, the last time he'd ever opened up to someone and maybe they aren't even alive anymore. (sometimes, he wonders, what ever did become of serizawa's old dog? if he had survived the current of the river, did he meet someone as important as kondou-san is to souji? but souji doesn't like to dwell on these thoughts for too long.) it had been his own choice back then to let his walls down, to let ibuki in on his most guarded secrets.
( i am no different from a beast. )
but this time, it's out of his hands. this time, it's someone he doesn't know very well who gets to see who he really is.
souji doesn't even bother thinking twice, drawing out his sword and then in one fell swoop—his reflection, still desperate to get out, is in pieces. something from the corner of his eye catches his attention, so in the next second, he's turning to face yuuki's side and just like that, her reflection is gone too. ]
You don't plan on standing there all night, do you?
[ he sounds like he's seething with rage, and who could blame him. he doesn't plan on waiting for yuuki's reply before he starts to walk away, determined to find the exit as soon as possible.
[ her eyes narrowed when he went for his sword and all she could feel suddenly rushing in her head was how she should stop him, that he can't do that, that if he does it—
—she hears a scream in her head, her own voice that rakes itself over the sound of glass shattered as he breaks the mirror. but, it's when he strikes again that she shifts, looking to the side and for a split second she sees her reflection, too, before it's broken into nothing ( and she does stand there in the crystal debris littering the floor now, everything dying down into silence, wondering if that scream had been in her head or if it had come from her reflection—because for everything she could identify on her own face in a split second, the one thing she couldn't miss was that disbelief and anger before okita had ended any further opportunity it had to shape on its own ).
but when he speaks and sounds so angry she flinches, her eyes falling to the broken glass. what had she just seen...? if she had seen something horrible and dark that would have been one thing, but that... pain seemed so real and so hopeless... and he sounds as if he's been exposed for the world to see which only suggests truth all the more. yuuki knows... nothing, but she knows that while he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him as well as she should, she wants to help.
...how does anyone help that sort of thing, though?
she finally looks to his direction and her shoes crunch against the glass as she goes to follow him. out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees something still left in some of the hanging shards but she doesn't dare look back ( because she never wants to see him cry again ). ]
[ souji doesn't want to think about what he saw, or what he thinks he'd seen, not when he'd rather yuuki to offer him the same courtesy, to forget about what was right in front of her eyes. he'd been exposed, yes, but it was more than that; it felt something like being skinned alive, of having your deepest secrets forcibly ripped from inside of you and laid bare for all to observe.
so he's understandably pissed, more livid than he's ever been. he worked so hard to keep it all inside so that no one has to know, no one has to see what kind of person he truly is, and then just like that, someone has a glimpse of it. just an idea, a small hint, and it scares him so much. no one beyond ibuki has ever gotten that close, maybe chizuru, but he's sure she doesn't remember it the same way he does, so—
he walks even faster, ignoring yuuki's calling out his name. there's nothing to talk about, no reason for him to stay here and wait for her so he turns corners like he's definitely trying to avoid her. the mirrors get more and more disorienting the further he goes but that doesn't seem to bother him. in fact, it urges him more to pick up the pace.
sooner or later, he'll find the way out, right? he'll ignore everyone else and go back to his room.
[ her first instinct is to run after him and cling to him, but she stops herself firmly from doing so ( he doesn't remember her and even if he did, she's sure he still wouldn't take to it kindly so now to chance that would be insanity that could not be justified to have any possible gain.
—that, and she can see very clearly he's trying to avoid her.
any willpower she has to push this breaks apart and, for a moment, she wonders if she should simply linger behind to let him have his space as he desires ( she can't help, she can't do anything so why should she just make it all worse for nothing ). in the end, she can't, though. wiping at her tears with her sleeve, she takes a deep breath to try and regain herself before moving after him. the very least she can do is make sure if he gets further lost, he's not lost alone. and once he finds his way out, she'll have to accept that she can't do anything else but watch him go back to where he deems it most safe—where his shadow is the only one that walks besides him. ]
I'm sorry... I'm ...so sorry...
[ it's barely audible, a hand over her mouth and voice meek, but in the deafening silence after that mirror destruction, maybe he can hear it, after all. she's not sorry for him. she's sorry for seeing. for making him angry. for being there in the first place ( —but, since she can't change any of that, she'll do what she can only do as herself: not ignore it. he needs someone else to help him and she'll do whatever is in her power if that person is here to make it happen. ) ]
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[ she actually hadn't even thought of seeing herself and now that he mentions it, her expression does change again, her panic turning into just plain horror because she actually doesn't want to see herself but also moreso she's scared of him seeing. there's no way to admit that, though, without turning that into some self-fulfilling prophecy.
yuuki wasn't going to tell him about what was terrifying her first since it was something she figured he'd not believe, anyway. now, she'd rather have him focused on that than noticing her disposition shift at his commentary (hopefully he didn't already, hopefully he doesn't see it in one of the mirrors, either) and if he did, not think it's because she just realized there is something else to be scared of in this place, too. ]
There're things in mirrors...! Last time I... they... there was a monster that traveled through them and would kill people...
[ why does it sound so ridiculous even though it's true AND it wasn't that stupid sounding in her head? ]
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then again, given how freaked out she is right now... maybe there is some truth to her words. ]
Then, let's hope we don't run into it here. [ he's joking, of course. ] We don't exactly have room to get away from it in here.
[ if that freaks her out, that will only serve to fill up souji's amusement. he can be pretty terrible sometimes, but that much should be a given right now.
without waiting for her to say anything, he lets go of her hand and starts moving. there's no way to tell if he's going the right away so he tries to keep his pace slow just so yuuki could keep with him. the last thing he wants is to deal with her scaring herself to death, so if keeping a close proximity would help prevent that, then he's more than willing to behave.
not that he gets very far, not when he makes the mistake of looking ahead and getting caught up with the sight he sees.
he has to be seeing things... right? ]
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[ no. no nononononono, she doesn't like his answer at all and him joking doesn't seem click with her because as soon as he lets go of her she is practically plastered to his backside before he takes more than three steps ( he definitely won't lose her while he's wandering around, that's at least something they will never have to worry about, it seems ).
of course, it doesn't really matter, anyway, because suddenly she's not just practically plastered, she's bumped herself right into him when he stops and she instinctively reaches to clutch at the back of his clothing tightly, sucking in a small breath to keep herself from screaming in surprise at the sudden halt.
however, she's also quite well aware that okita wouldn't simply stop without reason, so it doesn't take her much time at all to force herself to peek around him to see what it is that has caught his attention so swiftly and suddenly like this. ]
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there's blood all over him, on the ground, on his sword.
that isn't an unfamiliar sight, not with the kind of life he leads, but what gets to him isn't the blood, but how he's moving from behind the mirrored surface. his shoulders are shaking with laughter, the kind that doesn't quite reach his eyes because what's there instead are tears that are starting to flow freely. he hangs his head, out of shame, maybe, souji can't really tell, and the next time he blinks—
his reflection is even closer, banging his fists against the mirror like he's trying to get out. ]
... That isn't a funny joke.
[ he doesn't know who he's really saying that too, fists clenching out of the anger bubbling up inside. he'd regret that he ever got forced into going here at all but when he's blindsided by his own temper, he can feel nothing but that. ]
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at least, it doesn't at first, but almost as quick as she finds herself feeling it's even more unfamiliar than what little she knows about him, yuuki ends up staring in horror as she realizes that his reflection is crying, that he's suffering something far more damaging than any physical distress.
...it's scary, only because she doesn't think she's really ever seen someone that sad other than herself when she's all alone and locked away where no one else will ever see. and that tells her all she really needs to guess about this, too—assuming these mirrors are showing something true, this is a part of okita no one is ever ever supposed to catch a glimpse of.
nevermind a stranger to him like her.
yuuki does hear him speak, but she's a little too distracted to reply in any manner, simply standing there with her hands over her mouth, holding tightly to try and suppress a sudden rush she feels of an absolutely need to cry herself. she doesn't know why, and she knows she can't make a sound, because he's angry, she's not supposed to see this she should definitely look away immediately, but for whatever reason it strikes her hard and fast and her silent reaction isn't even one she can control despite wishing she could (logically, it makes no sense, she shouldn't be this upset so suddenly over someone else's reflection when she doesn't know them that well, but somehow it seems more personal to her than anything anyone else's should ever be to another).
somewhere in the back of her mind, she realizes that her own reflection is not so forgiving, either, but she can't pull her attention to face that, too.
(she's really really sorry.) ]
no subject
( i am no different from a beast. )
but this time, it's out of his hands. this time, it's someone he doesn't know very well who gets to see who he really is.
souji doesn't even bother thinking twice, drawing out his sword and then in one fell swoop—his reflection, still desperate to get out, is in pieces. something from the corner of his eye catches his attention, so in the next second, he's turning to face yuuki's side and just like that, her reflection is gone too. ]
You don't plan on standing there all night, do you?
[ he sounds like he's seething with rage, and who could blame him. he doesn't plan on waiting for yuuki's reply before he starts to walk away, determined to find the exit as soon as possible.
he'll break this entire place if he has to. ]
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—she hears a scream in her head, her own voice that rakes itself over the sound of glass shattered as he breaks the mirror. but, it's when he strikes again that she shifts, looking to the side and for a split second she sees her reflection, too, before it's broken into nothing ( and she does stand there in the crystal debris littering the floor now, everything dying down into silence, wondering if that scream had been in her head or if it had come from her reflection—because for everything she could identify on her own face in a split second, the one thing she couldn't miss was that disbelief and anger before okita had ended any further opportunity it had to shape on its own ).
but when he speaks and sounds so angry she flinches, her eyes falling to the broken glass. what had she just seen...? if she had seen something horrible and dark that would have been one thing, but that... pain seemed so real and so hopeless... and he sounds as if he's been exposed for the world to see which only suggests truth all the more. yuuki knows... nothing, but she knows that while he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him as well as she should, she wants to help.
...how does anyone help that sort of thing, though?
she finally looks to his direction and her shoes crunch against the glass as she goes to follow him. out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees something still left in some of the hanging shards but she doesn't dare look back ( because she never wants to see him cry again ). ]
Okita-san...!
[ wait. wait. ]
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so he's understandably pissed, more livid than he's ever been. he worked so hard to keep it all inside so that no one has to know, no one has to see what kind of person he truly is, and then just like that, someone has a glimpse of it. just an idea, a small hint, and it scares him so much. no one beyond ibuki has ever gotten that close, maybe chizuru, but he's sure she doesn't remember it the same way he does, so—
he walks even faster, ignoring yuuki's calling out his name. there's nothing to talk about, no reason for him to stay here and wait for her so he turns corners like he's definitely trying to avoid her. the mirrors get more and more disorienting the further he goes but that doesn't seem to bother him. in fact, it urges him more to pick up the pace.
sooner or later, he'll find the way out, right? he'll ignore everyone else and go back to his room.
he never should have come here. ]
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—that, and she can see very clearly he's trying to avoid her.
any willpower she has to push this breaks apart and, for a moment, she wonders if she should simply linger behind to let him have his space as he desires ( she can't help, she can't do anything so why should she just make it all worse for nothing ). in the end, she can't, though. wiping at her tears with her sleeve, she takes a deep breath to try and regain herself before moving after him. the very least she can do is make sure if he gets further lost, he's not lost alone. and once he finds his way out, she'll have to accept that she can't do anything else but watch him go back to where he deems it most safe—where his shadow is the only one that walks besides him. ]
I'm sorry... I'm ...so sorry...
[ it's barely audible, a hand over her mouth and voice meek, but in the deafening silence after that mirror destruction, maybe he can hear it, after all. she's not sorry for him. she's sorry for seeing. for making him angry. for being there in the first place ( —but, since she can't change any of that, she'll do what she can only do as herself: not ignore it. he needs someone else to help him and she'll do whatever is in her power if that person is here to make it happen. ) ]