[ he remembers, long ago, the last time he'd ever opened up to someone and maybe they aren't even alive anymore. (sometimes, he wonders, what ever did become of serizawa's old dog? if he had survived the current of the river, did he meet someone as important as kondou-san is to souji? but souji doesn't like to dwell on these thoughts for too long.) it had been his own choice back then to let his walls down, to let ibuki in on his most guarded secrets.
( i am no different from a beast. )
but this time, it's out of his hands. this time, it's someone he doesn't know very well who gets to see who he really is.
souji doesn't even bother thinking twice, drawing out his sword and then in one fell swoop—his reflection, still desperate to get out, is in pieces. something from the corner of his eye catches his attention, so in the next second, he's turning to face yuuki's side and just like that, her reflection is gone too. ]
You don't plan on standing there all night, do you?
[ he sounds like he's seething with rage, and who could blame him. he doesn't plan on waiting for yuuki's reply before he starts to walk away, determined to find the exit as soon as possible.
[ her eyes narrowed when he went for his sword and all she could feel suddenly rushing in her head was how she should stop him, that he can't do that, that if he does it—
—she hears a scream in her head, her own voice that rakes itself over the sound of glass shattered as he breaks the mirror. but, it's when he strikes again that she shifts, looking to the side and for a split second she sees her reflection, too, before it's broken into nothing ( and she does stand there in the crystal debris littering the floor now, everything dying down into silence, wondering if that scream had been in her head or if it had come from her reflection—because for everything she could identify on her own face in a split second, the one thing she couldn't miss was that disbelief and anger before okita had ended any further opportunity it had to shape on its own ).
but when he speaks and sounds so angry she flinches, her eyes falling to the broken glass. what had she just seen...? if she had seen something horrible and dark that would have been one thing, but that... pain seemed so real and so hopeless... and he sounds as if he's been exposed for the world to see which only suggests truth all the more. yuuki knows... nothing, but she knows that while he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him as well as she should, she wants to help.
...how does anyone help that sort of thing, though?
she finally looks to his direction and her shoes crunch against the glass as she goes to follow him. out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees something still left in some of the hanging shards but she doesn't dare look back ( because she never wants to see him cry again ). ]
[ souji doesn't want to think about what he saw, or what he thinks he'd seen, not when he'd rather yuuki to offer him the same courtesy, to forget about what was right in front of her eyes. he'd been exposed, yes, but it was more than that; it felt something like being skinned alive, of having your deepest secrets forcibly ripped from inside of you and laid bare for all to observe.
so he's understandably pissed, more livid than he's ever been. he worked so hard to keep it all inside so that no one has to know, no one has to see what kind of person he truly is, and then just like that, someone has a glimpse of it. just an idea, a small hint, and it scares him so much. no one beyond ibuki has ever gotten that close, maybe chizuru, but he's sure she doesn't remember it the same way he does, so—
he walks even faster, ignoring yuuki's calling out his name. there's nothing to talk about, no reason for him to stay here and wait for her so he turns corners like he's definitely trying to avoid her. the mirrors get more and more disorienting the further he goes but that doesn't seem to bother him. in fact, it urges him more to pick up the pace.
sooner or later, he'll find the way out, right? he'll ignore everyone else and go back to his room.
[ her first instinct is to run after him and cling to him, but she stops herself firmly from doing so ( he doesn't remember her and even if he did, she's sure he still wouldn't take to it kindly so now to chance that would be insanity that could not be justified to have any possible gain.
—that, and she can see very clearly he's trying to avoid her.
any willpower she has to push this breaks apart and, for a moment, she wonders if she should simply linger behind to let him have his space as he desires ( she can't help, she can't do anything so why should she just make it all worse for nothing ). in the end, she can't, though. wiping at her tears with her sleeve, she takes a deep breath to try and regain herself before moving after him. the very least she can do is make sure if he gets further lost, he's not lost alone. and once he finds his way out, she'll have to accept that she can't do anything else but watch him go back to where he deems it most safe—where his shadow is the only one that walks besides him. ]
I'm sorry... I'm ...so sorry...
[ it's barely audible, a hand over her mouth and voice meek, but in the deafening silence after that mirror destruction, maybe he can hear it, after all. she's not sorry for him. she's sorry for seeing. for making him angry. for being there in the first place ( —but, since she can't change any of that, she'll do what she can only do as herself: not ignore it. he needs someone else to help him and she'll do whatever is in her power if that person is here to make it happen. ) ]
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no subject
( i am no different from a beast. )
but this time, it's out of his hands. this time, it's someone he doesn't know very well who gets to see who he really is.
souji doesn't even bother thinking twice, drawing out his sword and then in one fell swoop—his reflection, still desperate to get out, is in pieces. something from the corner of his eye catches his attention, so in the next second, he's turning to face yuuki's side and just like that, her reflection is gone too. ]
You don't plan on standing there all night, do you?
[ he sounds like he's seething with rage, and who could blame him. he doesn't plan on waiting for yuuki's reply before he starts to walk away, determined to find the exit as soon as possible.
he'll break this entire place if he has to. ]
no subject
—she hears a scream in her head, her own voice that rakes itself over the sound of glass shattered as he breaks the mirror. but, it's when he strikes again that she shifts, looking to the side and for a split second she sees her reflection, too, before it's broken into nothing ( and she does stand there in the crystal debris littering the floor now, everything dying down into silence, wondering if that scream had been in her head or if it had come from her reflection—because for everything she could identify on her own face in a split second, the one thing she couldn't miss was that disbelief and anger before okita had ended any further opportunity it had to shape on its own ).
but when he speaks and sounds so angry she flinches, her eyes falling to the broken glass. what had she just seen...? if she had seen something horrible and dark that would have been one thing, but that... pain seemed so real and so hopeless... and he sounds as if he's been exposed for the world to see which only suggests truth all the more. yuuki knows... nothing, but she knows that while he doesn't know her and she doesn't know him as well as she should, she wants to help.
...how does anyone help that sort of thing, though?
she finally looks to his direction and her shoes crunch against the glass as she goes to follow him. out of the corner of her eye she thinks she sees something still left in some of the hanging shards but she doesn't dare look back ( because she never wants to see him cry again ). ]
Okita-san...!
[ wait. wait. ]
no subject
so he's understandably pissed, more livid than he's ever been. he worked so hard to keep it all inside so that no one has to know, no one has to see what kind of person he truly is, and then just like that, someone has a glimpse of it. just an idea, a small hint, and it scares him so much. no one beyond ibuki has ever gotten that close, maybe chizuru, but he's sure she doesn't remember it the same way he does, so—
he walks even faster, ignoring yuuki's calling out his name. there's nothing to talk about, no reason for him to stay here and wait for her so he turns corners like he's definitely trying to avoid her. the mirrors get more and more disorienting the further he goes but that doesn't seem to bother him. in fact, it urges him more to pick up the pace.
sooner or later, he'll find the way out, right? he'll ignore everyone else and go back to his room.
he never should have come here. ]
no subject
—that, and she can see very clearly he's trying to avoid her.
any willpower she has to push this breaks apart and, for a moment, she wonders if she should simply linger behind to let him have his space as he desires ( she can't help, she can't do anything so why should she just make it all worse for nothing ). in the end, she can't, though. wiping at her tears with her sleeve, she takes a deep breath to try and regain herself before moving after him. the very least she can do is make sure if he gets further lost, he's not lost alone. and once he finds his way out, she'll have to accept that she can't do anything else but watch him go back to where he deems it most safe—where his shadow is the only one that walks besides him. ]
I'm sorry... I'm ...so sorry...
[ it's barely audible, a hand over her mouth and voice meek, but in the deafening silence after that mirror destruction, maybe he can hear it, after all. she's not sorry for him. she's sorry for seeing. for making him angry. for being there in the first place ( —but, since she can't change any of that, she'll do what she can only do as herself: not ignore it. he needs someone else to help him and she'll do whatever is in her power if that person is here to make it happen. ) ]